my mother's meditation.

When really miss Annie, when I really miss my mother; when i've fallen (or climbed) to my most vulnerable places, it those times that I can really feel her around me.

It's there. Tucked nicely away in my body memories. Where I know how to flinch away from pain, or relax in the sun. That's when I can most closely and literally feel my mother's pressence now.

While I weep, its like my muscles crying along to by remembering her enveloping me as ababy, or the feeling of her hugging me with love, or holding my hands in hers with those soft hands of hers. That's were I feel her...

...And as I can't stand the pain i'm trying to lift anymore - I clearly - very clearly - see her laughing and smile. She says with soft, strong, encouraging words - "let it go"-

Then she shows me how. She sits up straight. Holds her thumbs. Closes her eyes. Breathes in through her nose. holds it... and Exhales slowly out her mouth... .. then she's gone.

usually I wave or say "hi mom"

when I open my eyes and take that next breath, the moment feels clean and I can see clearly now.

(also of note: my face at this point is often, oddly, covered in rain.)

-the eldest son of Annie Raitt, Bay